Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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