Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
