You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
