Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
