so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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