meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
