You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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