So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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