Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
