It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
