Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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