Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
