It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
