Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
