What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize