Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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