She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
