I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
