i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
