I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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