In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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