At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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