carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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