I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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