pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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