seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize