Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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