I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry about my life...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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