I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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