I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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