Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
