I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
