So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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