New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
