So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
