Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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