When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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