During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
