dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You made out with two different species that night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
