that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
