drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
