yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
