Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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