Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
