I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
