can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
