I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
