she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
