Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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