4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
