He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
