Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
