well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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