My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize