if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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