NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
