lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
