How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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