even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My penis needs a shock collar
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
