Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
