Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
