so explain again why im purple
no
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she smelled like a LAN party
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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