i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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