I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
