you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
porn star boner night. come get it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
