Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
