oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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