dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
