Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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