so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I love you.
Bad choice
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