I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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