She's JV to your varsity
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
