a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
