I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
