Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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