Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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