I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My vagina is officially offended.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize