Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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