Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
