his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize