I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
