Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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