bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
