worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
