I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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