wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Alive.
So much puke
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
