I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he thought i was a dude.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ruined the universe
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
