You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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