better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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