Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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