WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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