As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
