Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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