i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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