In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
