Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
