I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
