The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize