any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
