So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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