To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your cock deserves a montage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
