and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
