Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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