Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
