What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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