Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
