once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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