my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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