Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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