garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm really into asian looking animals
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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