All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
