I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
