Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Randomize