I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
