You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
