I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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