there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
