Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
